Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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