it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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