apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
