so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
