btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
