in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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