True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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