You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
