apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize