I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
