Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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