Non-Jews are for practice
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I checked into jail on foursquare
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
