Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
