Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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