my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
