the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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