My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
