I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
