they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
