my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
