The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
