piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
