PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize