ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
my liver is dry heaving
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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