I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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