tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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