Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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