Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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