Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
