Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
