I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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