Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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