The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
