Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
