Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
