Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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