Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
