so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
