he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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