So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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