she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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