just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
