erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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