Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
