oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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