If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
