So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
