At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
