I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
should my penis look like a turkey
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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