My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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