Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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