please come you make the beer taste better
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
