i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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