Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
