wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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