I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
