Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
