just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
