just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
