Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
