on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
