Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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